Confidence Pt. 2 - The Need To Be Right
A few years back I started seeing videos posted to Facebook by this woman I went to high school with. In the years since I knew her, she became a hardcore vegan. She (and her group) would go to grocery stores and restaurants and record themselves in protest. They would shout loudly and verbally harass anybody in earshot. Patrons. Employees. None were spared of the verbal assault.
I would watch these videos and be perplexed. “Do you think you’re changing anything? You’re just doing performative activism that only benefits yourself.”
But at the same time, I recognized that they were right. Factory farming of animals is an atrocious practice, and by participating in the trade of meats I was supporting this system. My main beef (hehe) is that this approach appears counter-intuitive.
Shame can be a powerful deterrent. But when you are such an overwhelming minority (like vegans) such activism is likely to lead to a net negative. It drives a wedge between your movement and those you’d wish to convert. Normies begin to see all vegans in extreme light.
I, of course, maybe naive. There may be net positives from such activism. I suppose we’ll never know…
Humans are tribal/herd animals. We don’t like going it alone. We like the safety of the pack. These particular vegan activists were showing up and demanding the individuals to move away from the herd. Unfortunately, a critical mass must move in one direction before the entire herd will follow.
I’m reminded of a Radiolab I once listened to. The episode was about a researcher who studies baboons. At the time, it was believed that the Alpha male ruled baboon society with an iron fist. He, and he alone, made the decisions about where the group would eat breakfast, for instance.
The researchers used GPS trackers to follow the individual movements. Each baboon came to be represented by a little blue dot. The interesting part was that when viewed on the computer the individual baboons melded together and looked a lot more like an amoeba. From the transcript…
It would sort of, like, bloop out. And there'd be a couple different colored dots that would move out that way, and then they would come back. And then a few more dots would move over here and then come back before it finally then somehow moved off together. It just totally befuddled '[the researchers].
And it turned out being the alpha guy didn't matter at all. The answer wasn't dominance. There was no impactive dominance. The answer wasn't age, sex, class.
The thing that really did seem to impact whether or not you were successful in influencing the behavior was how they moved.
Baboons that moved in this very directed, very straight way… At an intermediate and very constant pace. So they weren't moving fast. They weren't moving slow… Were much more likely to successfully pull followers than individuals who either moved slower or with more curvy paths.
That’s right... It came down to confidence. We may not actively perceive this, but the above-mentioned activists come off like baboons who’ve run off in one direction a bit too quickly. Such outward display of desperation projects itself as insecurity.
Choosing the right path does not help a baboon win followers, but rather choosing with confidence and conviction. Choosing in a way that signal to the tribe, “I know what I’m doing. Follow me.”
Being Right vs Being Useful
One of the recent weak links I’ve focused on is dampening my need to be right. I’ve changed my thinking from seeking truth to seeking useful models.
The universe is vast and we occupy a very small portion of it. It would be arrogant to believe that modern humans know very much truth about the universe. We’ve made many discoveries that have proven useful and which (up to this point) have not been falsified. Many laws of nature, for instance. But there are many past truths that turned out to be dead wrong. And it is the clinging to past truth that leads us most into danger.
As Cixin Liu stated in his finale to the Three-Body Problem trilogy, “Weakness and ignorance are not barriers to survival, but arrogance is."
We’ve got a short time on this Earth. I’m not interested in being the most right individual alive. Perhaps I’d feel different if it were possible to actually know for sure whether or not you’re right/wrong. But at some point, we all must give in to our ignorance. The only other option is arrogance.
So… What are some useful models? I find Stoicism and Daoism (Taoism) both interesting and useful philosophies. Stoicism is a little more action-oriented, whereas Daoism seems a bit more go with the flow.
I guess the main model for me is to focus on things I can control and give up what I can’t. Also, to not attach my ego too strongly to any one thing/idea — keep a willingness to change course even if I’ve sunk time/reputation into a particular path.
Others may find Religion useful. I have no issue with that, although I can’t get behind the beliefs, myself. I operate under the philosophy of, “If you find certain beliefs useful and you’re not harming others, then have it.”
While I may not be religious, there are some lessons from the Christian tradition that I have come to admire. Judge not. Love your neighbor. Do not covet the possessions of others. These ideals are possible once one has dropped the ego and become truly comfortable with who we are as beings. Having the confidence to question your own self-righteousness is important.
I also operate under the philosophy that one should do what one can to contribute to the betterment of society. But, I don’t hold it against anyone who chooses not to. We’re all on our own journey.
Critics vs Creators — Activists vs Establishment
One of my favorite follows on Twitter, @visakanv, has a point about critics and creators. (Makers rather than creators, in his words.) I believe this transfers over to activists, as well.
You shouldn’t have to be a maker to be a critic, but if you’re going to be a critic, you ought to be a constructive one. “vision” here is a sense of possibility, an idea of what good would look like. A critic that just goes around saying “this is bad” is worse than useless, he has a chilling effect on makerspace
For a long time, I feared being a creator of content because of the critics. The internet can sometimes be an incredibly collaborative and beautiful place. But just as often it can be a very toxic and critic heavy place. And quite often the critics resemble those which Visa warns about.
But then I started creating and posting more, and I quickly realized something… Nobody cares.
I remember one post in particular when I was first adventuring in Twitter. I wrote up a little thread with my thoughts on Trump. I was so nervous to send the tweet, fearing what reactions might come. But I made sure to polish the post up so that it felt reasonably nuanced and shouldn’t garner too much hate.
I tweeted and received not a single interaction. No likes. No comments. Nobody was watching.
The internet is vast and full of content. The idea that my content is going to go viral or all of a sudden bring attention my way is silly. It can happen, of course, but the likelihood is small. So I kept going in my little corner of the internet. I kept creating. Not just with writing, or with music, but out in the world too. Creating value for myself and others through flips and investments.
The more I create, the more confidence I gain. It isn’t as simple as just pushing shit out. I’m at my lowest confidence when I’m stuck in a rut and just going through the motions. (As I’ve been many times since starting.)
I think the confidence gain from creation is mostly due to me creating for myself. I’m not creating for the masses. That is why the realization that nobody is watching is so freeing. I don’t have to worry about an audience. I can just create for me and let those who want to follow along, follow along.
I can decide what I want to see more of in the world, and I can just do it. It may not be at the scale I sometimes wish I could achieve, but I’m happy nonetheless. Happier than if I hadn’t created anything, at least.
So while I agree with Visa, that one does not need to be a maker to be a critic, I think one should push themselves to make/build something. Not just once, but consistently. The most important part, though, is to make it for yourself. Follow your instincts and gravitate toward what you like. Bring into this world something that, as Marie Kondo would say, sparks joy.
It doesn’t matter if it’s as simple as fanfiction or as complex as building a movement. Just get started with baby steps and see how far you can go.
Being right and letting all those around you know it is not a very satisfying way to go through life. On the other hand, making yourself useful to a community (small or large) is a huge step to boosting confidence and giving life meaning.
Contribute in some way, even if it’s a way others (including myself) disapprove.