Principles of Creative Cooperation
Reviewing Habit 6 - Synergize
Not going to lie, this habit felt a bit forced at times. It’s possibly due to the subject synergize which has become corporate-speak and is probably the most parodied business term. Still, there are some gems here that add to our understanding of interdependence.
So how does Covey define synergy?
Simply defined, it means that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts. The essence of synergy is to value the differences - to respect them, to build on strengths, to compensate for weaknesses.
Remember, we’re at habit 6. That means habit 4 (think win/win) and habit 5 (seek first to understand, then to be understood) need to be the forces driving habit 6.
In other words, if you are thinking win/win and seeking first to understand, you will be communicating synergistically. There are other insights, specific to habit 6, but that is the core of this chapter, and possibly why I felt it was a bit forced.
One of those insights has to do with being authentic and genuine.
The more authentic you become, the more genuine in your expression, particularly regarding personal experiences and even self-doubts, the more people can relate to your expression, and the safer it makes them feel to express themselves.
The reason this is so important is because of the goal with habit 6. Synergistic communication, as Covey describes it, is the level of communication where people begin to interact with each other almost in half sentences, sometimes incoherent, but they get each other’s meanings very rapidly.
Do you recognize this feeling? It is when all ego and pretense are dropped and you’re just flowing with another individual toward a shared goal. Finding this flow - synergy - is what habit 6 is all about. And it often starts with a moment of courage, where one individual in the group confronts an important truth, either about themselves or the group, which needed to be said.
Finding this level of communication is difficult, however, because we’re not all operating with the same paradigms.
The problem is that highly dependent people are trying to succeed in an interdependent reality. They’re either dependent on borrowing strength from position power and they go for Win/Lose. or they’re dependent on being popular with others and they go for Lose/Win.
Insecure people think that all reality should be amenable to their paradigms.
This is why Covey has us start with ourselves and why synergy (creative cooperation) comes after all the other habits. If we have not developed internal security with the first 3 habits, how can we have the courage to be open and vulnerable? If we are operating in a Win/Lose paradigm, how can we feel comfortable sharing our wins with the group? If we’re not seeking to understand, but focused solely on being understood - on making reality amenable to our paradigms - how can we ever build trust with others?
This is, again, where valuing the difference comes into play.
The key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.
If I think I see the world as it is, why would I want to value the differences? Why would I even want to bother with someone who’s “off track”?
No man is an island, as the saying goes. If you believe your reality is the end all be all, you effectively believe that you are an island. Everyone else is here to serve you and your vision of reality. And if they aren’t serving your reality, they exist only as an “other” to be fought against.
Can two people disagree and yet both be right? That may not sound logical, because it isn’t: it’s psychological.
This is like the illusion that Covey provides in the early part of the book. Our description of the picture changes based on what we are shown first. This same principle applies in nearly all disagreements, whether dealing with national politics or inter-family disagreements.
I’ve got my idea of reality, and you’ve got yours. If I’m not willing to look through your frame of reference I’ll never understand what you’re trying to convey. I’ll also never be able to effectively communicate my own frame of reference.
To wrap up…
In order to create an atmosphere of creative cooperation, we must first develop synergy within ourselves (Habits 1-3). Once we have that, we must keep our paradigms in Win/Win and seeking first to understand (Habit 4 & 5). Then, we must value the differences so that our own reality better reflects the reality of others.
If we’re willing to keep ourselves open and honest, others will follow suit. It all starts from within. Avoid confessing other people’s sins and politicking. Focus on your own Circle of Influence and seek to grow it over time.
One last point. It appears from some of the examples that Covey provides that many problems begin with poor early communication. If you find yourself frustrated and unable to see the other side, go back to the early communication to see where misunderstanding may lie.